I am 12 years old and I am in the school canteen. A girl in year 9 – year 9! They’re so cool! – has just sung a song to her friend which I’ve heard before on the radio, and I decide to go and buy it this weekend because I really like it. It’s “Can’t Get You Out Of My Thoughts” by the Dum Dums, and it’s the beginning of an obsession.
I am 20 years old and I am in the office of Wichita Recordings. I’m not here very often – getting up and on the tube often seems too much – and too expensive – when I can just work from home – but they’re kind enough to give me a desk all the same. I need a tour manager for a few weeks hence. I ring Steve Clarke, ex Dum Dums bassist and now tour manager. The years in between then and now have been a gradual swap from fan to friend, and so it doesn’t seem like a ridiculous leap to have hired Steve now. We get along well, and it’s not weird at all – it feels more like we have an odd shared history. But if you’d told me that eight years ago, I never would’ve believed you.
Two years on from the Dum Dums and it’s not that they’ve lost my heart, far from it. When I think back to the days (/months/years) after them splitting up, I almost think it was the biggest heartbreak of my life to date. It took me years to get over them. But the Pixies got me – hearing Doolittle for the first time was a revelation. They became my new obsession and I loved every little bit of them, every BBC session, every cover, every Spanish word I didn’t understand. When they reformed for some shows, my mum let me skip school the morning the tickets went on sale so I could get hold of some. My mum is awesome, but she does not condone playing hooky – I like to think her letting me off was her way of saying she understood.
So then this evening I went to see The Breeders, Kim Deal (of Pixies fame)’s band with her sister Kelley. My friend Ben came with me; we met four years ago through the Pixies, so it seems fairly natural. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve been properly fan-ish at a gig – turning up over an hour before stage time (normally I’m at least five minutes late), going to the front (normally, even seeing a bit of someone’s head is the standard), jumping up and down during songs (‘Cannonball‘ particularly – everyone was). So it feels strange afterwards to bump into some friends of mine – Ben and Janine from Wichita, Bart from Domino, and Paul from Truck – and be given aftershow passes. An aftershow pass? For the Breeders? What the FUCK. If you’d told me that five years ago, I never would’ve believed you. The band weren’t there…but that’s not the point.
It’s a funny old thing. My life is far from ideal, far from enjoyable half the time – though I’m fairly sure that’s more my head making trouble for myself than any external factors – but there are always small victories. Never would I previously have thought I’d get an aftershow pass for the Breeders, and with the band present at their own aftershow or not, it feels a bit like a quick pat on the head for my younger self. “Look at then, and look at you now!”.
I discovered this evening that a girl I vaguely know now does regional press for Beggars, including the Breeders. She’s been round the country with them on their UK dates these past couple of weeks. Tonight she told me that at one point Kim bought her some Tampax, and she thinks it might be a highlight of her life. Sad as it sounds, if it was me it would be mine too – those tiny moments with the bands you adore that make it seem like your life isn’t wasted, everything isn’t futile, we’re not all going to die in a global warming credit crunching disaster. If getting an aftershow pass for the Breeders is one of those, then I’m happy for this evening.